Zack Randall is well known for his skills at auto fellatio and he's giving us a little taste of his abilities with Ryan Rose in Naughty Pines.


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We were trying to hold our tongues (Ha!) from commenting on 's grave video press release this week regarding his break up with , earth-shattering in Derek's eyes only. Let's analyze the grand delusion of self-importance.



Video for reference is below...


The Set
Bless Derek's cute twinky heart, for he put some thought into where to sit: in the corner of a Sean Cody/Corbin Fisher-esque room next to what looks like a work of abstract expressionism...all to add that touch of class.


His Costume
The Moroccan style shirt and pashmina thing precisely match the bland interior. They say, "Since I am dressy and not bent over showing you my hole, I insist on being taken seriously."


His Speech
He starts off by dropping cliches even Hallmark long ago ixnayed, like "change is inevitable."


"I feel it is my responsibility to address an issue that will most likely get more attention than it actually deserves."


We doubt it'll get much attention, but he seems serious so, okay, we're listening.


"Recently, it has been mutually decided by myself and Zack Randall"...blah blah a lot of official sounding jargon he probably consulted the nearest coffee shop lawyer to look over..."to officially separate and end our relationship of two years."


Creek-creek went the crickets. Okay, um. Sad face. So, when are you getting naked, Derek?
...oh, you have more to say?


"I ask that this matter please be treated discreetly and positively..."


We know, you must really be stressed out from the Brangelina levels of paparazzi hounding you on every corner. Those TMZ rats need discretion!

"...so that all parties involved may resume their lives in a respectable and mature manner."


Oh, yes, so they can pick up the shattered pieces of porn star love. We feel bad for Derek. This break-up was monumental for him, so the dear thinks it's monumental to the world. Hence, this overwrought explanation vaguely reminiscent of dearly departed Michael Jackson's 1993 plea for tolerance.


"We aren't the first, and we won't be the last."


A thought that doesn't quite go as deep as his generous dick.


"It is best if we simply let this fade away in the past where it belongs."


Done!


He goes on to talk about future porn plans with all the enthusiasm of a trial witness.


Derek, we love you, we're weeping for you, but please, next time remember discretion is merely a brief blurb in the paper. Or nothing at all, like miloserdie-dv.ru Crush Object/Your Ex Zack is doing. This sleekly produced video and rehearsed-to-the-bone speech give it the import of a supreme court justice confirmation hearing and, well... it sure ain't!



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We were intrigued when we received a press release from our friends at Buckshot a few weeks ago informing us that their forthcoming DVD "Strong Will" not only starred a raft of miloserdie-dv.ru faves (including Dean Phoenix, Zack Randall, Mason Wyler, and the asstastic Omer), but that it "revolves around a famous philosophy book by Arthur Schopenhauer". Excited, we ran out and found ourselves a copy of the only book we could find by Mr. Schopenhauer that had the word "Will" in the title ... only to find that not only was there no mention of any hot guys named Will in it, there wasn't even the barest mention of hot man-on-man sex in it at all! What kind of trick were those hoity-toity Buckshot folks trying to pull over on us?


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(In which we invite America's Beloved (And Avowedly Heterosexual) Porn Journalist Gram Ponante to share his perspective on gay porn classics and classics-to-be ... )


Other than "Can't Stop The Music" and "Miami Vice", I'd never seen a gay film before. (I don't count "Brokeback Mountain" as a gay film because if you can't get it through your head that that film is Just About Love then there's no saving you.) So upon receiving a copy of heartwarming gay porn insta-classic "The Intern", I had some hard questions for producer/star Michael Lucas and writer/director Tony DiMarco, primarily about how the movie was supposed to make me feel.


Read our conversation after the gap.



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We might as well go ahead and admit it: We tend to have problems when porn tries to be something else besides just porn, and with porn comedies in particular. Most porn manages to be funny enough without any additional effort on a scriptwriter's part, and besides, if we're in the mood to laugh we'll pop in, say, a French and Saunders DVD instead of a dirty movie.


But unless you have a fetish for overweight British commediennes (and we are so not judging you if you do), it's hard to jerk off to a French and Saunders DVD. So where does this leave Lucas Entertainment's much-ballyhooed "The Intern", billed for months now as "an intentional porn comedy"? Read our review after the jump.



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· Gay Porn Blog and makes us feel bad that we spent Memorial Day weekend sitting around grilling weenies instead of ... you know, grabbing them. (gaypornblog.com)

· Thinking of picking up a copy of to learn everything there is to know about enigmatic porn impresario Michael Lucas? Take it from the man himself: (lucasblog.com)

· We'd have thought that putting our money on Anderson Cooper coming out would be a , but what do we know? Good thing we're not gambling types. (gambling911.com)

· This just in: Current miloserdie-dv.ru obsession crush object Zack Randall is irresponsible when it comes to . Good thing we don't mind when he gets a little dirty. (queerclick.com)



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· We're crushed that Zack Randall confessed that his and not us. Good thing that photo of him with his hand down his pants made us forget pretty much everything he said in the interview. (papermag.com)

· We're not sure what went down with twink hearthrob Blair Mason and the studio he was signed with—probably because we'd never heard of Blair Mason before we read , though something tells us we'll be seeing a lot more of him before too long. (queerbites.com)

· We also don't know where is going, but we do know that Treasure Island Media will be behind him every step of the way. (treasureislandvideo.com/bloggo)

· Raging Stallion's Chris Ward has a Ph.D. in history and before directing "Lords of the Jungle". And you thought it was just about a bunch of hot guys fucking while trying not to get mosquito bites on their asses. (interview gayvn.com)



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If you had any doubts in your mind that 2007 would turn out to be the year that the dreamy Zack Randall achieved worldwide porn domination, you'll understand once you get a load (or several!)


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