Most people are a little apprehensive of trying out "exotic" sex techniques. Some dismiss them as a little too complex—hours-long tantric sessions, completing the Kama Sutra front to back, those kinds of things—and some might seem a little out there. It does seem sometimes that culture can be a little insulating in that way; everyone thinks there's only one way to fuck, and that way is their own.
And sure, there's nothing inherently wrong with sticking with whatever method resonates with you. But there's often a lot to be learned from other practices, particularly when you consider that sexuality varies so widely. Maybe there's a better or easier way to perform certain sex acts, or a fresh perspective to be gleaned, from a culture that isn't your own.
I spend my life studying sexuality, and every now and then, I learn something that totally shifts the way I see sex as whole—a moment when I understand a more comprehensive definition of it. Kunyaza, the Rwandan technique that doubles the likelihood of both female orgasm and female ejaculation without diminishing any pleasure for men, is one of those things. It's one of those things that is so freshly intuitive that it's hard to imagine I didn't think it of it myself, but also so beautifully unique as a cultural practice. It's the kind of sex we all could (and should) be adding to our repertoires.
The video above describes kunyaza in part, but I'll give you the rundown on this truly magical technique that will give you a more unifying and mutually gratifying sexual experience. But first, let me tell you about what is one of my favorite parts: In many places in Central Africa, a man becomes a "man" when he can give a woman genuine pleasure. Meanwhile, in the U.S...
Anyways. Kunyaza (called kachabali in Ethiopia) has been practiced for hundreds of years and does a great job solving the enduring issue of satisfying both the male and the female anatomy at once - which most magazines, movies, and Western healthcare would tell you is impossible. There are, in short, three steps:
- Using his erect dick, the male partner taps and rubs the woman's clit and vulva, both with the head of his penis and the entire shaft for an extended period time.
- After she is fully stimulated (i.e. swollen enough that her inner labia parts on its own, a good visual indicator she's ready for penetration), the man inserts his penis inside her, alternating shallow and deep strokes, occasionally grabbing the base of dick and moving it in circles or side to side to stimulate her G-spot and the walls of her vagina.
- Repeat as necessary.
This technique works so well because it provides the clitoral action a woman needs, at both its tip and throughout the internal clitoral network, which includes the G-spot. The man can alternate rubbing and tapping his cock on her clit, her labia, and her vaginal opening, and can mix up the penetration and the external play as much as he'd like. If his hand gets tired, she can take over by grabbing hold of his dick. Shorter strokes stimulate different parts of her vaginal canal and nearby glands than longer strokes do, meaning the impossible has been achieved: Most erogenous areas of a woman's vag and vulva are being worked on simultaneously.
One of the things I like best about this practice, though, is that it's just as amazing an experience for men as it is for women. I think what gets lost when we study sexuality now is the fact that male and female pleasure are not mutually exclusive; men don't have to give up their own pleasure, satisfaction, and hard-on to get a woman off. When neither gender feels neglected or threatened, we will make much greater sexual progress, don't you think?
So what's in it for men, eh? The rubbing/tapping/sliding his dick all over her vulva (which will be nice and slick) will keep him stimulated and super hard throughout foreplay, and it builds anticipation because full-blown penetration is withheld for a bit—which, of course, makes orgasm much more intense for everyone. The penetration itself may use some different techniques than the standard stroke, but the variation here can be just as awesome for men, too.
This kind of sex isn't the only kind on the menu, of course—trying this out in your own sex life doesn't mean you always have to do it or that a quickie in the bathroom isn't still fantastic and viable for all participants. But I know folks who have been doing something like this without realizing it shares similarities with a cultural practice for years and years, and they've all confirmed that it's pretty damn amazing and makes orgasm and arousal way more likely for women.
One notable aspect of kunyaza is how many women are able to squirt when it's performed. The female orgasm is considered elusive enough in our culture, and squirting seems as if it's a gift only a select few women have. Kunyaza success rates would suggest otherwise, though. Here's what one of these orgasms looks like:
For many of us, learning techniques like this can be a massive relief. It further confirms what we already know: that standard P-in-V sex without foreplay can't fully stimulate a woman all on its own, but that sex can be equally pleasurable for both men and women simultaneously. I'm just pissed I didn't learn this earlier—and so is this guy, apparently:
The other really cool thing about kunyaza—besides the fact that the concepts are easy to mix into your current sexual practice—is that you do frequently see something similar in mainstream porn. Granted, the whole rubbing/tapping thing never happens for as long at would need to in real life, but you knew that already, didn't you, dear reader?
Here are a couple examples of the kind of stuff you've likely already jerked off to:
From a different position:
It's funny—there are so many little techniques we never think much about that can be so illuminating with a little study. And that, my friends, is the power of porn.