Belladonna Wants To Teach You "How To: Fuck!"--And You'd Be Wise To Let Her

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As a legendary porn performer with over a decade of experience in the industry, Belladonna knows a thing or two (or a million) about sex--and we've long wished that she'd share a few of her secrets with the world at large. Well, sometimes wishes really do come true...are you ready for Belladonna's "How To: Fuck!"?

How To: Fuck!

Studio: Evil Angel Director: Belladonna Starring: Belladonna, Mark Wood, Katsuni, Mr. Pete

The porno instructional has a long and storied past, with everyone from performers like jessica drake and Nina Hartley to educators like Carol Queen and Tristan Taormino suiting up to school the world through quality porn. After seeing instructional after instructional, you might start to think that everything that can be done has been done--but, in true Belladonna fashion, "How To: Fuck!" flips the script and offers up a refreshing take on the sex ed porn.

Unlike other eduporns, Belladonna's movie doesn't feature lengthy lectures about anatomy, or in depth discussions of specific sex techniques. Instead, "How To: Fuck!" is something along the lines of a four hour meditation on Belladonna's philosophy of healthy sexuality--and what it lacks in, say, detailed descriptions of sexual response, it more than makes up for in positive energy and solid advice about honesty, communication, and listening to your body.

Through the film's seven chapters, we get a tour of the various aspects of Belladonna's life that contribute to her status as a sex goddess. First up? A lecture on nutrition, which comes in the form of Belladonna making smoothies in her kitchen. It's probably not what most people would expect from a Belladonna sex instructional, but if you've read the sex advice she gave us, you know she's passionate about healthy living being the key to awesome sex--and, hey, you are what you eat, right?

Once she's had her smoothie, Belladonna moves into more traditional sex advice territory, tackling the topic of blowjobs. After answering a few fan submitted questions and offering her own thoughts on the joys of sucking cock (my favorite quote: "Sucking a cock is...really taking your time and exploring this person's cock....You start out gracefully and slowly, and you pull it out and you smell it. Inhale that deep, delicious smell. And then you tease it."), Bella enlists Mark Wood to offer the male perspective on blowjobs--and then, of course, receive one (hey, smoothies or no, this is still a porno flick!).

From blowjobs, Belladonna (literally) takes flight in her segment on fitness, showcasing her passion for aerial silks (and asking her silks instructor for some of his fitness tips). And then it's on to girl-on-girl, with none other than Katsuni stepping in to assist.

As a preamble to getting down and dirty, Belladonna interviews Katsuni--and not just in the way flirty way that most directors interview their stars. The two ladies spend a full twenty minutes talking about their feelings about sex: how to do it right (communication!), what Katsuni likes about men, what Katsuni likes about women, what makes for a good sexual experience--and then, after all that build up, we're treated to a very passionate scene between these two phenomenal stars.

For the final episode of disc one, Belladonna delves into the topic of foot fetish. It's a little hard to give sex "tips" about something like the enjoyment of feet, so Bella doesn't even try; instead, she offers up a story of how she, personally, developed a sexual interest in feet, and where the appeal lies for her (and then, of course, we're treated to a solo scene of Belladonna doing a webcam show for a lucky, foot loving fan).

Of course, no Belladonna sex ed film would be complete without information on anal sex, and this is where the film really distinguishes itself. The last two episodes of "How To: Fuck!" are devoted to the care, keeping, and fucking of the ass. To start things off, Belladonna launches into a very in depth, twenty-seven minute long discussion of a topic most porns would never dare to touch: the enema.

While they're certainly not a prerequisite for enjoyable anal sex, enemas are a pretty standard part of porno anal (and absolutely mandatory if you have any intention of going ass to mouth or ass to vag). Of course, like many behind the scenes parts of porn, they're also rarely discussed in public--so it's awesome to see Belladonna (literally!) opening up and showing the world her enema process. Yes, friends: Belladonna was not born with a naturally sparkling asshole; to get it that way, the lady has to put in some serious effort--as demonstrated by the numerous enemas she undergoes throughout this scene.

As she undergoes her cleansing ritual, Bella offers up some enema tips and tricks (use room temperature or warm distilled water, never the saline solution that comes prepackaged, and never cold water), and discusses other aspects of her anal prep: what she eats when she does an anal scene, what kind of toys she uses to get her asshole ready for a large cock, the importance of taking probiotics if you're doing regular enemas. She also manages to achieve something I would have thought impossible before watching this film: she actually makes the sight of a woman evacuating her bowels look, well, cute. (Seriously. She's that amazing. Amazing enough to come up with lines like, "You can think of it as giving your butt hole a nice drink of water--and then when you get rid of it, your butt hole is saying, 'I don't want this water.'")

At long last, when Bella's butt is finally clean, she moves on to talking about (and, um, engaging in) butt sex with Mr. Pete. For those who feel that twenty-seven minutes is a long time to spend preparing for a scene--trust me when I say that this scene is totally, completely worth it. Mr. Pete is wonderfully charismatic, and he and Belladonna have amazing chemistry that results in a wonderfully intimate scene that feels less like a porn movie than like a voyeuristic look at a real life couple enjoying each other's bodies. Oh, and those in search of good tips about how to ease into anal sex will be pleased to hear Mr. Pete's strategy for breaking in an ass (hint: he begins with a tongue, then moves up to rubbing the outside of the asshole with a nicely lubed finger, then gently presses on the asshole with a--clean! trimmed!--finger, before finally achieving some digital penetration).

Though I expected to like this movie (um, it's a Belladonna movie, duh), I don't think I was quite prepared for just how much I would love it. The focus on communication and being yourself, combined with hot sex, behind the scenes glimpses at Belladonna's life, and, well, Belladonna being the world's most adorable creature results in a work that's fun, smart, and really great to watch. I don't know if "How To: Fuck!" was intended as a one off, or if Belladonna plans to make other educational films, but I think that the world is a better place for having this movie in existence--and should Belladonna choose to bring her wonderful energy and healthy philosophies to other sex ed films, I think we'll all be better off.

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Tagged in: review, dvd, dade murphy, katsuni, mark wood, evil angel, mr pete, belladonna, sex education, top, hardcore, pornstars

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