How To: Make Your Own Schoolhouse Porn

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What school is this and why did our parents not enroll us? It surely couldn't have been that far of a drive. Our janitorial staff was never this bossy or beautiful, but after watching this video, Anal High's janitor is only one half of the reason we want to sign up for classes next semester. They don't show this kind of stuff on Schoolhouse Rock, so just in case you're thinking of making a cheesy schoolyard porn, we'll walk you through it.

1. Establish the scene. Usually, detention halls and exam rooms are favorable options. You should probably explain why there are only one or three people in the room, and allow these actors to make up their lines as they go. When selecting porn actors, you should keep in mind that your bottoms should look as young as legally possible, and your top should be a muscular, hyper-masculine dude. Note: one top is best in schoolhouse scenes—these students aren't running amock, ya know.

2. Establish absurdity. You'll need to remind people that this is a low-budge porno flick, so do something tacky and hilarious. In this case, these students are being taught by Mr. Dick Lickenstein. If you think the teacher's name is funny, think of a different one. If you rolled your eyes and scrolled down, it's perfect.

3. Your Top's Entrance. This is important because your viewers must believe that this top is not employed by the same company as the two classroom twinks. It's usually smart to give your top some kind of authority (teacher, principal, upperclassman), but in this case, putting him in a humiliating janitorial costume works too. Also, make sure his costume is easily removable. Your viewer doesn't want to see him getting out of a straightjacket or anything.

4. The catalyst. Your viewer knows that the janitor would never just walk in and demand to be fucked. There must be some kind of sexual advance or altercation to initiate debauchery. Physical altercations (in this case) aren't the best idea, since your actors will end up looking like they're having a slap fight more than anything. Unless your porn actors double as professional fighters, your violence will look fake and we'll lose our boner.

5. The blowjob. Do not ever rip off a student's clothes and tickle their hole. Your student must be eased into sex, and a blowjob is the perfect way. Force it if necessary.

6. Disrobing. Make sure you get a lot of half-clothed fucking. In order to create an element of spontaneity, your bottom should probably remain clothed until the cumshot. Tops are fair game though—get your top out of his fucking clothes immediately, especially if he's as hot as Alexsander Freitas.

7. Move it to the desk. All classroom fucks should involve a desk. It's an unwritten rule, and if you're thinking about having a classroom fuck on any other kind of furniture, why the fuck did you choose to have a classroom fuck to begin with? Get your bottom on the tabletop, service him, flip him over, and pound him mercilessly. Flip, spank, repeat.

8. The cumshot. By now, your bottom should have removed his clothes completely—preferably by literally tearing them off. You've now moved out of a storyline and into standard porn scene. Your viewers have forgotten everything about the janitor and students in the beginning, so make sure these boys know how to fuck. Choosing a bottom like Tyler Sweet is an excellent idea—he's got a tight little body and he's the kind of bottom that can only cum while he's getting fucked. Ugh, so hot.

Tagged in: school, muscles, alexsander freitas, latino, tyler sweet, men.com, twinks

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