After eye-catching headlines in every major news publication due to her controversial claims about being impregnated twice by Tiger Woods, Joslyn James and Vivid are finally ready to put out "The 11th Hole" – her infamous story.
We're not sure how bad we're supposed to feel for the alleged mistresses of fallen golf legend Tiger Woods, or any other celebrity mistresses for that matter. It seems like just yesterday that women who knowingly slept with married men were considered home wreckers, not victims who deserved to cash in on their lurid affairs. When exactly did the fastest, cheapest way to become a celebrity move from being a useless reality show cretin to simply flat backing it for the rich and famous, then spilling in the tabloids?
Okay so maybe that's a little judgmental for a site that serves up a daily dose of porn. It does read more like the opening paragraph from a post on our sister site Jezebel than your average miloserdie-dv.ru update, but we know we're not alone in thinking it. You'll have to forgive us. You see, porn is a fantasy, general speaking. Not a single porn parody or even the most revealing celebrity sex tape could have prepared us for this unexpected hybrid of equal parts both. It's shocking, part sexy but mostly spectacle.
The movie starts out with a pretty hefty disclaimer, explaining that it's not endorsed or sponsored by Tiger Woods in any way. After a lengthy little bit of legalese it goes on to explain that the text messages used in the release were provided by Joslyn and that Vivid Entertainment believes them to be both true and accurate. That's more credit than her step mother gives her, according to the AP wire.
We see a Tiger Woods facsimile on the golf course via some sports show and are treated to a barrage of naughty texts Joslyn asserts the golfer sent her, with instructions for sneaking in and out of his hotel without being seen. Next thing you know Jos is on the bed masturbating and someone is talking dirty to her. Within minutes her "Tiger" is fucking her POV style, her legs spread wide giving us a full view of her, well, you get the idea. It's a lackluster scene, bordering on grotesque at first, that picks up the pace dramatically as it goes along. Joslyn flips over into doggy, giving us a prime view of her tattooed ass complete with what looks like a knife wound scar. She frequently stops the sex to suck his cock fully hard, then fingers her asshole and lets him fuck it. In the end he busts his pearly load all over her best sexy time face.
The second scene is much hotter. After some more revealing texts it's back to POV sex, but this time it's somehow raunchier. It may even be a different guy. We honestly can't tell. It's just so much more fluid, with far better chemistry. He busts on her face.
Next he demands a threeway, via text, which excites Joslyn enough to choke herself out while she masturbates with her shirt open in a beach chair. Jump forward and her and her little blonde friend can't believe they are fucking Tiger Woods together and the blonde can't shut up. We really don't think she would have said "So, you have a wife huh?" "Tiger" fills her mouth fast enough but she manages to say dumb shit pretty much every chance she gets and we catch production errors galore – like the lighting stands and cables – not to mention the tattoos running down both his arms all of a sudden. It's distracting. That last position, when he's nailing the clueless blonde in her hot pink gash, is pretty hot we guess.
The same "Tiger" fucks her again in the next scene and then a totally different "Tiger" with no tattoos and a much bigger dick nails her after that in the final (and best) scene of the movie. He pulls out in reverse cowgirl and sprays his load towards the camera, making us almost wish this was a 3-D porn. It would be funny if it wasn't the best scene of the movie.
With no warning whatsoever we jump to a very candid POV interview with Joslyn and the director where she tells her story which naturally ends with her stripping down and flashing pink. Yeah, you read that right. You can see it for yourselves. We can't tell you much more about it, other than it is a very thorough retelling of events with revealing facts his wife and his agent probably won't want to hear. For fans of the golfer and those who love seeing car crashes, you're going to love it, but not because it's great porn. It really isn't. You'll want to see it to say you saw it. You'll want to make jokes about it at the water cooler, at poker games, or while updating your Facebook status. You're going to buy it and give it to a friend who is obsessed with golf, but whose wife would flip out if she knew he bought it himself. It's that kind of thing. It will still sell over a million copies.
"The 11th Hole" starring Tiger Woods' alleged mistress Joslyn James is available from Vivid. We've included our usual gallery. We know you'll look. You don't really have a choice. Try to enjoy your weekend.
· Buy (tlavideo.com)